I survived In-School-Suspension...

I had the worst trouble sleeping last night. It was the craziest thing. Lately, I've been falling asleep to movies, so I turned on Stephen King's Rose Red. It's a long movie I just happened to pick up at Half-Price Books the other day for cheap. I watched half the movie and was starting to get tired, but I had to go to work in 2 hours, so rather than attempt to sleep, I hit the elliptical and got my energy going to last through the work day. My first day back from the summer and they put me with the bad kids.

Actually, there were only two of them, and they didn't misbehave at all. I probably talked to them more than they talked to me, just so I could stay awake. They were incoming juniors who happened to get caught for smoking, and were sentenced to a week in there. The girl in the class room actually thought I was a student when I tried to open the door in the morning. Then later on during my lunch break, the teacher who relieved me told me I could go in the staff lounge because they were talking about their various experiences with road kill, like that's something I want to hear about, around lunchtime... I ended up walking in the hallway for a few minutes and started to converse with a student I knew from last year. We talked on the way to the cafeteria, and then I tried to leave, and this teacher doing hall duty asked me where I was going... mistaken again!!

Wasn't a bad day at all. I enjoyed my Trader Joe's Pink Lady Apples for lunch, and came home for a nice afternoon nap. I'm stoked for tomorrow!! I have a bunch of comedy show opportunities coming up, and God is bringing them out of nowhere... I'm excited about what He's going to do! Thank you for tuning in and for your support!

In Him,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

Psalm 71:19 - "Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you?"

The Bats Stalked Me...

So I looked up as I was lifting weights outside in the yard. The sky was turning gray, as the rain had just passed, and it tends to get dark earlier this time of year. As I gazed up from my bench press, I saw hovering over me a swarm of BATS!!! They live in the chimney stack of the Board of Education building across the street from my house. Most nights they come out and fly around the neighborhood, not wandering to far from their dwelling. Of course, the real bloodsuckers were the mosquitoes that kept chasing my arms through each rep I did. I don't think any of them caught up with me, although if they did they would've been drinking vintage AB Negative blood, which only 1% of all Americans have. I should pull a Kramer and put my blood in the fridge...

My Dad's had this sudden craving for the McDonald's fraps lately. They're actually more fattening then Starbucks. I had a sudden craving for a McDonald's milkshake last night, but fought off the urge, and had a GNC Protein shake instead. It wasn't as good, but it got the craving to go.

Tomorrow is the big day when I start substitute teaching again. I get to start off the year in the worst possible assignment, In-School-Suspension. Hopefully they won't try me. I don't yell, but I know the office phone number and I'm not afraid to use it... So it's been a healthy eat day. I had some awesome pink lady apples from Trader Joe's, a grilled chicken fillet with a modest amount of Montgomery Inn Barbecue sauce on it, and I will have a modest snack in a few. About to jet... Thanks for all your support!!

In Christ,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

2nd Corinthians 4:7 - "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

Happy Labor Day!!!

With Labor Day almost over, I hope all of you had an enjoyable day! I actually slept through most of it. It's funny, because the big Labor Day parade in my city goes right by my house. For years, I would take advantage of it, and set up a lemonade stand. I got the idea from my sisters who did it long before I did. We'd be lucky to get an extra ten bucks, but it was fun, and I guess it kept us out of trouble. The parade itself has pretty much lost it's flavor with me. It seems the same, and with people setting up their lawn chairs a long the street from 2am through the wee hours of the morning, it's become more annoying to me than anything. They don't let us park on the street during the hours of the parade, because it's reserved for the media. Why on earth they would want to cover the exact "same" parade all these years baffles me.

With all this apathetic thinking I've just displayed on this parade that if they canceled, it wouldn't affect me at all, it reminds me of the way we end up thinking about our spiritual lives. We as a nation have become too complacent with our own accomplishments, that we forget to serve others. The Bible talks about comparing our good deeds to that of God's grace, is like holding up filthy rags.

It's so easy to focus on self-pleasure. I'll be the first to admit I've struggled with this issue. Especially, when food or doing something that only benefited myself was involved. Notoriety is what every comic desires. To develop a following, and have people lining up, paying to see your performance. What more could someone who's written jokes for years, ask for?

This spiritual side of trying to lose weight and be healthy is definitely exposing who I really am, even more so to myself. We all wear masks. What kind are you wearing? What don't you want people to know about you? I guess my challenge would be to surrender yourself to God. There's nothing you can hide from Him. He knows everything, and He's never asked us to anything that He wasn't willing to help us accomplish.

Thank you guys for sticking with me on this journey. I got a few more subbing gigs coming up. One of which will be real trip as I get to be the In-School-Suspension sub. It's the worst position I've had to cover for in the past, because I'm laid back anyway, and they try to get away with murder when I'm in there. As I tweeted earlier, I'm gonna die... But I'll at least go down with a fight... I did weights today, and I'm no longer sore, so my body is getting used to it. Thanks again!

In Christ,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

Isaiah 64:6 - All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

Switching Ownership...

So I heard this awesome sermon today from one of my fellow comedian friends, the great Kenn Kington. The series theme was Switch: Getting Back On Track... Kenn talked about the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, which I mentioned in one of last week's blogs. But what really caught my attention was when he said we need to switch ownership. What we believe is ours, is actually God's, as He created this world. Once, we come to the realization, that we're just passing through, and what God has entrusted to us, was given so that we could glorify Him. Kenn said he'll never be the answer for World Hunger, but he can make a difference in one life by sponsoring one. We make a difference one life at a time.

One of my all-time favorite movie quotes (actually there's two from the same movie), Fight Club, Tyler Durden says "The things we own end up owning us." and "Only after you've lost everything, are you free to do anything." Those statements ring so true. I actually caught a classic episode of the Real Ghostbusters a few weeks ago, where this rich millionaire was about to die, so rather than leave his wealth to charity, he decided he was going to use this new invention to send it to the after-life, so he would be the richest ghost of all-time, but of course the Ghostbusters stopped him. I always pictured at least one person getting to Heaven and they go looking for a sledgehammer to take to the streets of gold. I wonder if that idea has even come into any mind that has entered in the place called paradise. One of the biggest traps we come into in this life is when we compare ourselves to other people. Keeping up with the Jones' they say... As out of shape as I've been that shouldn't be too hard for anyone else.

I believe the scariest movie scene of all-time isn't something from a Chucky, Jason or Freddy movie. It's not even from the Exorcist! The scariest movie scene of all-time is from Disney's Pinocchio.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07aD56TnVtc

I believe the biggest mistake made by Pinocchio and his friend, is they squandered what had been given to them. I believe so many people are guilty of this, and it's important, like Kenn said that we transfer the ownership to God. For He is in control, and we must follow Him.

This has been a wonderful journey thus far. I actually took a break from exercising today, and I will start fresh tomorrow. I did go out to eat with Kenn Kington, and probably ate more than what I should've, but tomorrow I will press on, and thank you guys for being a willing listener to my journey to being healthy...

In Christ,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

Jeremiah 32:27 - "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

"Elementary, Dear Watson..."

So I finally saw Sherlock Holmes today for the first time. I was disappointed at first, because I never read the classic Doyle novels, but I knew for a fact that Holmes was always able to figure out with reason why everything happened the way it did. The satanic rituals performed by Lord Blackwood had me wondering if he was using a supernatural power or if Holmes would be able to come up with an explanation. Of course, I hope you saw it, because I don't want to ruin it for you, but yes, Holmes did figure everything out. It was amazing, because nothing ever gets passed him. Plus, the mysterious man who kept appearing throughout the movie definitely gave them enough room to plan a sequel, and as I was watching the movie, I kept asking myself where's Moriarty in all this. Sad, I've never read the books, but I know Holmes' arch enemy's name. Go get 'em Robert Downy Jr... Your career has definitely been rejuvenated!!

The point to my summary of all this, is Holmes always had all the answers. Sometimes it took him a while to figure them out, but he never stopped growing in knowledge. From the time the movie started until the time it ended he was smarter within a hour than many of us could hope to be in a life-time. This applies to the journey I'm on. You try to eat healthy. Everyone has an answer for what you NEED to do to get in shape. I've heard everything, and some from people bigger than me. Not to discount what they have to say, but it's harder to follow someone who doesn't practice what they preach. That's where I'm trying to be better. The day you stop learning, is the day you stop being effective. The day you decide you don't want to grow spiritually, is the day you decide to be disobedient to God.

So not only am I working on being healthier physically, but the spiritual side is of greater importance. I did weights today, and stopped into my friendly neighborhood Trader Joe's again... Thank you guys for your support!!

In Christ,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

The Baseball Story...

Yeah, so I just got back from a Dayton Dragons' Game. They faced the Bowling Green Hot Rods. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about it's minor league baseball. Been so long since I followed baseball frequently. My Mom actually tried to get me into it during my childhood. She collected baseball cards for me, hoping one day I would take an interest. It never really caught on. Especially, after I was forced to play little league in third grade.

Long ago, my parents conceived the notion that this would be the best way to get me into shape.



So now that you realize the kid in right field was better than me, it doesn't get any more humbling than that. Except the first time I got up to bat, I had two strikes on me, and was terrified of my surroundings. I wanted to go home. With two strikes on me, the catcher looked up to me and said "Just swing at it..." Knowing I wanted nothing more that to be in the comfort of my own home playing Nintendo, I swung at a ball that was 3 feet above my head. This not only brought on laughs from the opposing team, but from my own team, including my coach. I didn't want to go back, but I did. The next time I got up to bat, I made up my mind, "No way am I going to swing!!" All of a sudden the Umpire looked up at me and said, "Alright son, take a base." What was he talking about? "Take a base!! You walked!" It dawned on me. You don't have to hit the ball to get on base. You can walk!!

That whole season, that was all I did!! My purpose was not to hit the ball and get on base. My purpose was to WALK!!! I even acquired the nickname "The Walker"... Until one day, when it caught up to me. We were playing against an undefeated team. With one out in the bottom of the ninth, they decided to send up the secret weapon... "THE WALKER!!!" I strutted up to home plate in my nice, white, clean uniform. I did my routine and walked, no challenge!

As I looked back to home plate I sighed in anguish, because the coach's son was up to bat. He had the dirtiest uniform on the team! I was going to have to run! The bases were loaded, and we were down by two. All of a sudden, "CRACK!!" He hit the ball. Mind you, I had asthma really bad, was pudgy and I was going as fast as I could. The two guys in front of me made it home and tied up the score. The coach's son was right behind me. His toes were right on my heels. He would've passed me if he was allowed. Before I knew it he was tagged out!!!

So now it's up to me!! If I make it we win. If I don't it's a tie. I'm almost positive I heard the Chariots of Fire theme song playing in the background. There was dust flying everywhere as the base coaches were screaming at me! I rounded third base and saw the ball flying out of the corner of my eye. Miraculously, it bounced off the catcher's glove and gave me enough time to launch my gravitorally challenged body on to home plate. I was the champion, my friend!!

I look back at this memory, which is most likely forgotten by the other teammates and probably even the coaches, and reflect on the preparation I had to win. Even now it applies to my life. As Christians, we are called to give our best. Nothing second rate should ever be presented as an offering to God. 1st Corinthians speaks of the runners in a race. Only one gets the prize, so they run in such a way as to get the prize. They practice by beating their bodies into submission so they will be conditioned to win. They don't walk. They run. So my challenge for myself, as well as those around me is to ask, are you doing your best for God?

Today, I did weights. I ate healthy, and of course had no ballpark food. I actually snuck in some healthy fruit leather from Trader Joe's. I have a subbing gig lined up for next week! Hopefully they call me tomorrow... Thanks again for all your support!!

IN HIM,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

1 Corinthians 9:24 - "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

I'm Battle Cat!!!

For those of you who know me through facebook or even in the "REAL" world, you probably can tell I'm a very nostalgic guy. I love classic cartoons that I grew up on, which I hope hasn't gotten you psycho-analyzing me already. I've already been told all kinds of weird things, but truthfully, I just enjoy them. They're good conversational topics, and what have you. So with that said, I don't need to explain to you why I have the theme song from He-Man on my iPod in my exercise playlist. It happened to come on today as I was lifting weights. I did have the power... but how I got it was a different story...

Let's flashback to the days when I was actually running home from school to watch afternoon cartoons. He-Man was one of my all-time favorites!! My mom wasn't so thrilled with it, and actually refused to buy me Castle Greyskull because she thought it looked evil. (You see it above, because I bought it when I was 28 at this flea market, purely out of spite.) She knew the way to get me to do what I didn't want to do was to offer to buy me an action figure, so when I was at swim lessons and didn't want to jump off the diving board, she told me if I did the next time, she would buy me Battle Cat.

Many of you remember Battle Cat. He was He-Man's faithful companion, who when he wasn't Battle Cat, was Cringer, the fearful green tiger with yellow stripes. He was scared of everything!! Even as Prince Adam went to change into He-Man, he would aim the sword at Cringer who would shake even during his transformation to the mighty Battle Cat. But once he became Battle Cat, he would growl fearlessly, before letting out a mighty roar.



Call me nostalgic, maybe even childish, but I relate to Cringer more than I know, and many people I know do as well. We cower in fear of what the world tells us we should be, but Jesus Christ loves us beyond our ability to comprehend. Through Him we have the power!! So that's Who my power is though, and yes I did jump off the diving board that day and got Battle Cat!

I did weights, and walked three miles today. I also ate healthy. Thank you guys for allowing me to share with you, and for your support!!

In Christ,

Rich Jones
www.richjonescomedy.com

1 Corinthians 6:14 - "By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and He will raise us also."